Dreyma-Vefr
I have separated the journal in sections with bold and underlined in case you wish to skip.
Hospital and medical situation:
So, I finally got a PC up and running and was getting things sorted out when on the 30th I was in the ER and the reason I am posting about this is due to how it is and may continue to affect my art and my health for the next few months.
About midday on the 29th I started having some sever pain in my left leg. I assumed that it was related to a past injury as I had that leg damaged in a car accident, so I was ignoring it. as the day went on it got progressively worse. Around eleven pm and midnight-ish I called my mom about it. At that point my leg had actually given out from under me a few times as well as my asthma going haywire. I am prone to having severe asthma exacerbations that send me to the ER at least once or twice a year, so I assumed that was what this was. Usually, I have to take my happy but to the ER, deal with about 5-6 breathing treatments and then they are like. "BEGONE!" Always wanting to do chest Xray and CT. Never knew why but it was and has been a normal for me for about 5-6 years.
Breathing issues and leg pains finally made it to where I went into the ER. Again, I planned to ignore the pain in my leg. Its just residual pain from previous damage. When the doctor came in he kept pestering me about my leg and the pain. Honestly felt like someone was taking a sledge hammer about 4-5 inches below my knee. He wouldn't drop it and wanted to do some imaging on my leg. I initially refused but he was persistent so I let him run the blood tests he wanted to as a middle ground so he would get off my case thinking it would be like usual.
NOPE
I was wrong. Doctor comes back and my D-Dimer levels were high. For those who are unaware. D-dimer is a small protein fragment present in the blood after a blood clot is degraded by fibrinolysis. So Now the doctor is worried that my chest pain/asthma issues is actually a pulmonary embolism and not actually asthma. So on with the tests. Xray and CT with nothing so onwards to the compressive ultrasound. Then there is the waiting for a good 2 hours because the guy that reads the ultrasounds is on call and not actually at the hospital over night. My roommate was with me and I am sitting here sure they found nothing, jittery from the hour and a half long breathing treatment. Usually they are like 15 minutes but this was an hour and a half hooked up to the machine.
Finally, the doctor comes in and his expression and mood seemed to have changed as he explains to me that the pain in my leg is actually a blood clot. In the ultrasound they found a DVT (Deep vein thrombosis) in my Left femoral vein and the doctor was very concerned and gave me medication to go on immediately after leaving. Though had to get it filled. They gave me coupons for 2 months worth and sent me on my way telling me to seek a General practitioner in next 48 hours.
Thus we come to Thursday(31) through Monday(4th)
Found a GP, she was awesome. Learned that the DVT in my Femoral vein was a flapper. Yes, she described it as a flapper. So, this blood clot was just hanging in there and could/might have dislodged at any time. Worried that the asthma attack at the hospital might have been a PE as well, but since the clot was found after not to much. However VERY worried on the fact it could cause one at anytime if I do not follow instruction. Since I have no insurance and a cash patient she sent me to a place a friend of hers runs called Volunteers in Medicine. Which is a free income based clinic that servers our county. Doing this knowing there is A LOT of tests coming my way.
Monday, I have an appointment with the Doctor at ViM and she is amazing. I was scared, overwhelmed and confused but she was there and on the ball. They did bloodwork, went over history and she went over the results from the ER further with me in a manner that I could keep up with and comprehend. The scariest thing about the situation is that my blood clot is considered an unprovoked clot. With an unprovoked clot this could mean that it was either a one off or it there could be an underlying medical factor. These underlying factors are honestly. Very scary and have me a bit on the worried side of things. She is made that my medical records have me diagnosed with PCOS, however NO ONE has ever prescribed me actual medication to fight the PCOS, just some to cover some symptoms. PCOS Alone could have been the cause for the blood clot as well, but we don't know yet and there are some far scarier things that can. So, she started ALL the bloodwork tests one can do. Testing EVERYTHING. I go back on the 18th to go over bloodwork and the next steps. doing some imaging next Monday as well for the appointment.
Why does all of the stuff above matter?
With the information above I am currently on a blood thinner called Eliquis. This medication honestly makes me feel like I was hit by a bus. On top of the muscle and joint pains from it I get dizzy and nauseated very easily. I make jokes about the hamster in my brain not running the wheel to make things light but in reality, I feel like a Sim that just stands there and does nothing. I lost my keys for 30 minutes one day and they were hanging up the entire time. My doctor has been informed and we are monitoring it closely. Hoping things will die down a bit after the loading phase, which I switch to normal amount today. Why does this matter? If the side effects of this medication do not go away it is really hard to function sometimes and due to my clot being unprovoked, I will probably be on a blood thinner for life. If it continues to hit me this hard, then I will have some good productive days and some bad. Which I already have for back/sciatic issues so now adding to it.
All this going on my Gabapentin for the nerve issues in my hand seemed to have stopped helping. I used to be able to take it and my hands were fine. Ever since the ER and the Eliquis its doing nothing. The numbing tingling pain in my hands, mostly my fingers is going crazy. It's hard to keep my hands steady and sometimes the pain is so bad i just put pressure on my fingers. If something is warmer or colder than body temp its like my fingers are on fire. Hot or Cold.
Since starting the Eliquis my asthma issues seem to be worse. If there is ANY pressure to my chest. Laying down, on my stomach, or even curling up to put socks on feels as though I am gasping for air and cannot breathe. That chest pain/constriction when holding breath for too long. ANY kind of breeze to my face feels like I am suffocating, and I mean any. Even using my hand to fan air at my face feels like I am suffocating.
What does this mean for art?
I still plan to do art, and I am still working on owed commissions. When I get those out of the way I will only be doing so many commissions at a time. I will not be able to guarantee completion times due to everything going on. Hopefully though in the next few weeks/months I will have more answers. Even possibly more physical freedom due to the Eliquis not wreaking havoc on my body. I do have other issues being looked into and am being tested for a few other things that can explain why I sometimes have memory lapses and days go missing.
If things go somewhat according to plan, and I can figure out how to manage it, I might have a close friend of mine move down after building an add-on to my house. This friend is a RN and plans to try and help me out with scheduling, the life changes and business-related things.
What are the plans for the upcoming month?
Right now, I am trying to get myself on track with these meds as well as get something in my life squared away and set up properly.
I am Going to start streaming Art, Gaming, and Game Development(programming and modeling)
The goals with streaming the above mentioned things is it will help a few things.
Social interaction. - due to all the medical issues and situations, I have become more depressed, and reclusive. I paint on a smile and pretend everything is okay so I don't bring other people down.
Setting a schedule - with taking meds, appointments and the likes I need to get on a schedule so I don't miss anything.
Productivity - This may seem like a weird one, but streaming and chatting helps keep me focused on what I am doing while also being excited and pumped for it. <3
Why did you share this?
The reason I shared this was to be as transparent as I could about what is going on. Since COVID started everything has been a rollercoaster and this has been a scary factor of it all.
Medically I have a lot of shit that is going wrong with my body, and it has been ignored over the years. Not because I personally have, but because the doctors and those in the medical field take one look at me and assume one thing and one thing only. They don't look at the past, the onset of the issues. Just the one thing they can see standing before them and blame that. After a while I gave up fighting and just decided. This is my life. Please, PLEASE don't do this. Don't ignore your health and your body. Physically or mentally. I have found someone who takes me seriously and is starting me on a path to solve all the underlying questions. It may have taken me seven years, but I am happy I have them in my life now.
I also want to thank everyone who has been patient with me during these times. The deaths in my family, the medical issues and the chaos that has been the last 3 years. You do not realize just how much this all means to me. Especially when I have been struggling with myself.
Love you all!
Dreyma
P.S. Some of you send me DMs that I don't always see immediately. If you have a discord, you can always join my server. I am trying to be a bit more active with things, but I can always be reached there, or my roommates can if you are concerned about silence. <3
Commissions. 3
With classes and everything going on via the home-front things have been a struggle.
I will be slowly working on commissions while doing my classes and after my commissions get finished as well as my trades I will be archiving my gallery and journals.
With this i will be focusing on a few things and trying to keep t all simple while classes are under way.
With the new year I am have a lot of medical things going on. Things that I have been avoiding due to not wanting the answers and the reasons. Those who know me personally know the issues. I have gotten to the point that the questions need answers. So I am going to be working on a project that is very minimal stress wise and is something that I personally love doing.
I am going to be very vague here only due to not currently having ALL things planned out as I am still in the planning phase. However I am looking to work with someone closely for this project.
What Assistant would be doing:
- Assist with pre-month planning phase.
- Assist with product Q&A check.
- Assist with project management.
Compensation for assistance:
- Initially compensation will be access to all products done in planning.
- Art compensation.
- If project goes well the ideal compensation would be cash payment
- (With this you would still have access to the products.
I am looking for someone I can work closely with. Ideally we would only need to work on the project a few days out of the month. Those days preferably at the beginning or the end of the month. If this is something you might be interested in then please send me a DM. Organization skills and Time management skill are a bonus.
Once I find someone I will discuss the project in full with them. If they accept the offer and we come to an agreed term I will remove this journal. If it is still here then I am still looking.
Thank you for reading. <3
Dreyma.
Looking for RP Partners (18+)
- Original Characters : I am not hating on Canon x OC but it is not what I am looking
- Action/Adventure/Romance style.
- Don't make it all about you, lets make a story together. <3
RP Comfort Meme
Will Do:
- I will not be the only one to supply ideas and actions into the RP.
Characters available :
- Do not approach me about an RP and pull the. "I am a female. I will only play the female roll." Let me tell you this hunny, I am a female as well and I play any role as long as there is a story. If you are this way you may stop reading this now.
- I get up at around 9:30pm CT and go to sleep around 2pm CT. So occasionally when errands need to be done I will be MIA. I do try to warn before hand unless it is last minute. Even then I try to respond via Mobile.
- Response time may vary. I am a freelance artist and I work from home. DA does not alert me when someone responds. So if I am streaming or drawing I may forget to check the page for some time. (I do have the chrome add-on,but it does not always work.)
- If I do not think you gave me enough to work with, or if I am confused by your post. I will let you know. I prefer to have proper communication verses hurdles and misunderstandings that could harm the life of the RP.
- I am a multi-paragraph role-player. I do not require you to respond with the same length of a response that I do. Just give me enough to work with and we are golden. If you do not give me this then I will let you know. As stated above.
- You are not required to make my lengths or my details just give me enough to work with and we are golden
- I will match my reply lengths to yours if you do not post as much as I do.
- I am open for Ideas and suggestions.
- I will not be a grammar natzi, so I ask the same of you. Occasionally I get spell checked by either phone or computer so I apologize before hand. I also have many RPs with those who do not have english as a first language and this never bothers me.
- I have a tendency to doodle RPs as warm up sketches if you have an issue with this let me know before hand.
- I typically respond to RPs within 20 - 30 minutes when active, unless I am busy then it may take a bit. Average response time is normally about 15 minutes though for smaller paragraphed replied if I caught it after being sent.
- I speak my mind. If I have an issue with the RP outside of the inability to respond to you I will say so. Not saying so would only cause issues and frustrations with my partners.
- If I do not get a response within 72 hours and there is not a journal or a note specifying why there was no reply, such as busy or out of town I will send a note asking about the RP. If there is no response, but I continue to see activities then I will assume that you have indeed dropped the RP and I will drop it as well.
- If I say/type something that offends you, please let me know immediately so I can refrain from saying it again.
- As for your OC's I prefer:
- When people have pre-built OC's that we discuss ideas and concepts and then you choose which character's you would like to consider for the idea at hand. (This does not mean it has to be pre-designed.)
- Please do not ask me to choose one of your OCs randomly unless you wish to have the plot built around that OC.
- ALL my OC's are RP specific and do not get re-used. It is a personal preference of mine I do not require other to use it.
- I do have some pre-build characters both male and female that are available for RP due to :
- The RP they were in died
- My partner for the RP ended the RP or I decided to end it.
- I just wanted to create characters. They are blank slates and only have names, ages, and physical descriptions.
- When my medical issues act up the medications I take may interfere with my responses, I will let you know before hand that I have taken them. They can make me type like I am drunk, usually because I am drowsy from the side effects. This can sometimes make for hilarious moments.
- No these medication are not recreational by any means so please don't make joke about it. Most of them are Pain killers, or they are Antihistamines. Reason I act drunk-ish is the fact that the meds cause drowsiness and I have low tolerance to the whole "May cause drowsiness".
- I do not open a Note unless I fully intend to reply right then and there, sometimes if I am mobile and laying down I fall asleep when reading it. I apologize in advance, due to sometimes thinking that I have replied when in reality I am the one whose reply is being waited on. V.V
- If you see that I have read the note, but have not responded, Please let me know so that I can resolve the issues as soon as possible for us both.
- If I have not read the note but you see activities from me don't worry about asking me about it, you are more than welcome to inquire.
- My computer likes to think it is smarter than me and will auto correct me, sometimes cause hilarious change of intended scenarios. Example : "Position" to "Potions" or "Ya'll" to "Yawl" I try to catch these but when I am on a role things can be missed.
- Introductions may take me a while to get started. I put a lot of time and effort in my introductions to give you everything you might need for the RP. If I have not given you my introduction within 24 to 48 hours please feel free to ask me about it.
{In order of preference}
Discord
DA Notes
Skype
~ If questions, Inquiries, Comments, or Concerns just ask and I will answer. ~
I believe this issue was from being tablet based verses anything else.
All that I felt right now is pain, and fear.
Pain because of things said and done be it they realize it or not.
Fear because I always feel like I am walking on eggshells or I was going to be removed and blocked again because I cared about their well being in order to speak up.
Sitting up in my bed crying for hours from a panic attack every-time something happens is not health for me.
I know true friendship shouldn't be ruined when you fight but when it feels like the other person lashes out at you with things that will hurt you the most... Sometimes walls can not be rebuilt and only continue to crumble.
I am not angry, instead I am upset.
I am upset about having to let go because it scares me so much that a simple person can have so much sway on another.
Because I know they will be angry and upset with me because I broke a promise.
That it came to this and I am not a stronger person.
I will accept the label of being a horrible friend.
Even though I was called that after a misunderstanding.
I will accept that I can not go back, and that it doesn't mean that much to them.
I will accept that they hate me.
I will not point them out.
I will not discuss the person with another.
I will not trash talk the other person so please don't ask.